Why do we look for the living among the dead?
-Luke 24:5
“I just don’t know how much longer he expects me to wait.”
“I just wish I knew what he was thinking you know so I won’t waste my time”
“Why can’t he just be honest and tell me straight up? “
“I really wish I would’ve stayed home!”
“I don’t know...I guess we’re just seeing where it goes.”
“I gave so much to that company, how could they just let me go!?”
When the Gray Area Turns us Blue
The gray area is the infamous space between the known and unknown factors that when occupied, leads to the stagnation of desired progress accompanied by feelings of resentment, anger, frustration, and sometimes confusion or fear. We often find ourselves in the gray area when we ourselves are not clear on and do not believe in what we want and deserve out life. This statement may be extreme, but it’s absolutely vital to cut to the chase and call a thing exactly what it is.
It’s interesting that when we are in the gray area, rarely do we call this space by name. Sometimes we do not even realize where we are and it takes unexpected disruptions to wake us up to the reality that we traveled into uncharted territory. When we allow ourselves to live in this space too long we began to get comfortable- decorating the place and calling it home. We begin to deny how we truly feel and minimize the hunger we have for our true goals, ambitions, and inner longing to live in absolute bliss.
Our attitude changes about the things we once wanted and we unknowingly grow a bit more pessimistic toward anything or anyone who reminds us that there is more to life and reflects that we may be settling. The woman who dreamed of being married now says, “marriage isn’t for everybody.”The woman who trained her whole life to be an independent business owner now says, “you know, this job works for me, its secure.” The woman who vowed to give up unhealthy habits and environments now looks for examples of women who “can do both” and still be “successful.”
There are many ways that we mask the pain that is eating away at our self confidence and assurance, finding every excuse to remain in a space that is devoid of what we truly want, but is good enough for now.
Wiring The Woman.
Women are wired to receive. Our sexual organs in comparison to a man’s, is designed to receive penetration- not give. In spite of our physical wiring, we are emotionally and mentally fashioned to nurture our families, give unconditional love, and prioritize security. Our biological makeup is no mistake, yet when not understood can make us susceptible to deceit, self sacrificing, and finding ourselves in compromising situations.
When we do not take the time to study ourselves as women and as an individual personality with needs, wants, and intimate desires, we short change the progress in our own lives. When we don’t know what makes us tick; come alive; rage with passion or burn with fury, we are single handily frustrating the wiring intended to help us create the life we intuitively long for to in turn, build the dream life for someone else.
What do you Value?
This question is asked in just about every interview you’ve likely been invited to, but it is usually disguised one of two ways;
Why do you think you’ll be a good fit for this company?
Tell me about a time when...
Now you’re likely thinking, how are these questions asking about values? First we must define what values are?
A value -is the qualitative or quantitative importance placed on a particular person place thing or idea for the purpose of communicating worth & usefulness.
When an employer ask you why you are a good fit, they are looking to see if you are aware of what their company values in employees and will your natural characteristics align when you are self promoting your best qualities. The same is intended in those dreaded yet expected tell me about a time scenario questions. Employers want to know that if a customer gets spicy with you, will you return the funk and persist to emphasize your rightness, or will you seek to affirm their frustration and help the best way you can to disarm the heated customer? If the company values “the customer is always right”, then they are looking for the latter.
The same can be said if they ask about how you’ve handled conflict in the past. If they value team players, then any indication that you work best alone and you have no interest working in groups, then you can bet your bottom dollar that you won’t receive a phone call to move forward with them!
The point is, companies are clear on what their core values are so that they can hire according to what is important to them and avoid wasting time on people they will have to let go in sooner than later. Many of us do not know clearly what we value so we give our time, attention, and energy to people & projects that likely shouldn’t have made it past an introduction. We stay too long, give too much, and we “let me see where this goes” ourselves to death hoping that what we intuitively know, will change if we just stick it out and pray on it.
Signs that you are possibly dishonoring your core values and neglecting or sacrificing what is important to you for the sake of someone or something else:
You find yourself justifying or reasoning why you should be happy, satisfied, or stay somewhere. My mentor once told me if you have to say “at least” you are likely settling for the least you can have.
You use “should’ve,” “could’ve”, “would’ve” a lot
When asked to describe what you want from a particular situation you divert to sharing details about what you don’t want or you focus on narrating the story of who, why, and how other people are keeping you away from what you want.
Your joy-meter is low or consistently wavering
There is no better time to focus on clarifying your core values than now. Having clarity and confidence in your values allows you to not only attract but discern and maintain a delicious relationship with whatever or whomever you are manifesting into your experience.
The top companies in the world, Google, Amazon, Nike, have very low turn over rates despite being significantly large businesses size. This is because they hire people who align with their core values and once they have that person locked in, they treat them accordingly providing massive room for growth.
If you’ve been rocking with me for the month of April, thank you! Thank you for you patience. As I’ve stated, I’m doing this work along side of you and this segment was deeply personal and needed to be revisited. We have wrapped up the conversation of #Boundaries and now will focus “Making Your Standards Your Exceptions” for the month of May!
“The life you want is on the other side of the awareness you accept & the decision you make as a result”
Follow me @WhitWhitHurray on Instagram to keep up with blog postings and #WonderingWhitleyWednesday
Peace. Love. & Soul- Glow Grease.