A-Count Me In!
- Whitley N. Green
- Jun 28, 2020
- 4 min read
“A sister is both your mirror and your opposite.” –Elizabeth Fishel
There is nothing worse than having a piece of food stuck in your teeth; hair out of place; or a suspicious thing bulging from your nose and no one says anything! By this time you’ve smiled feverishly at dozens of people, photobombed a few pictures, and talked incessantly with a friend who has all but allowed you to look like you’ve rebelled against personal hygiene. We’ve all been on both sides of this conspiracy. If we are the viewer, at times it weird to say “hey, the Green Goblin is hiding in between your teeth” or “ The Hulk just made a guest appearance in your nostril,” especially in mixed company. We think about all the ways we don’t want to embarrass them or put them on the spot (even though the spot is already front and center). It’s silly to even think that we could make the situation any worse when considered logically, but in the moment everything seems more extreme, and bit more sensitive. It doesn’t help when a stranger finally tells our friend about their little foible and your friend looks at you and says, “why didn’t you tell me!?”
IF YOU SEE SOMETHING SAY SOMETHING
We are confident in all the reasons that stifled our decision to bring attention to it and to be honest, we secretly hoped it would fix itself (again silly). In our minds, our intentions were good. We wanted to protect them from further embarrassment or feeling bad about themselves. Soon enough we see that our silence prolonged and magnified the embarrassing feelings and subconsciously may have incited distrust and disappointment.
This dynamic is true when we resist the responsibility to speak up when we see something that we know is not right. I do not use the word right to assume that our perspective is the only way something should be or even that what we think or feel about someone else’s behavior is the ultimate truth. It is to emphasize the idea that we all have a good sense as to what belongs where and we’ve been trained since toddlers to identify when, “one of these things are not like the other, one of these things just doesn’t belong!” Don’t act like you don’t know the Barney tune. To be more clear and direct; when we choose to remain silent in our relationships when it is clear we ought to speak up, we run the risk of suffering more hurtful consequences.
We live in a society today where everyone doesn’t want to be “judged” or “told what to do.” I totally agree and think we all should a sense of autonomy and personal freedom. The problem is when we take these mantras to the extreme and do not allow anyone to speak into our lives and redirect us if, I mean when necessary. No one is above falling beneath their own standards or being tempted beyond their own will power. No one will ever grow out of making mistakes.
We all need accountability- people in our lives that we trust and give the permission to speak up when they see us getting off track or behaving in ways that are beneath who they know we can be. Sometimes we need someone to remind us of our strengths and goals. We need people that we know care, to hold us accountable to what we said we would do and who we say we want to become. It‘s often necessary to have people that believe in our abilities and inherent goodness, so that in our times of weakness, we prevail because we know they are watching and rooting us on.
A person who is left to their own devices is not a person to be trusted nor connected with long term, especially if your goal is growth and prosperity. If you have people in your life that consistently resist correction or resolve to anger, hurt feelings, or excuses every time they are made aware of their actions- its time to first reflect if you carry that same tendency to avoid introspection, then reevaluate if this is a relationship that has the capacity to help you elevate.
Side Note: Speaking up does not give any of us permission to belittle, speak down to, speak with sarcasm, thoughtlessness, disrespect, or yell in the name of love and in the spirit of holding someone accountable. It also doesn’t mean that the relationship is over, sometimes it just needs to be repositioned. Consider the way in which you want to be approached with sensitive topics, then act accordingly. The 3 T’s: Tact, Tone, & Timing should always be a priority if your intentions are pure and you want your words to be received. It’s not about imposing your opinion or beliefs on someone else with a “do this or else” mentality; but it is simply offering a different perspective that perhaps had not been considered. Ultimately, its up to that person to make the best decision for their own life.
June has been #SpeakTFUp Month. It’s been an interesting exploration to observe the ways in which I have silenced myself for the sake of being accepted or being viewed as cool and non confrontational. I hope you continue to find my narratives of use in your own experience and I appreciate your love and support.
Check out my NEW YouTube Channel Video: “5 Things You Risk WhenYou Don’t Speak TF Up!”
“The life you want is on the other side of the awareness you accept & the decision you make as a result.”
Follow me @The.feminine.arts.academy on Instagram or @artsfeminine on Twitter and on Facebook at https://www.facebook.com/artsfeminine/ to keep up with the latest Femininity and Self Love tips and news.
Peace. Love. & Soul- Glow Grease.
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